Tantric Love making

Tantra takes time. It’s not something you can squeeze in just before you go to sleep. Allow at least an hour, but two hours is better. If you normally live a busy life, you may have to make a tantric date in your diary, so that ordinary life doesn’t erode your tantric time.

Strange as it may sound, making time for tantra, maybe one of the most difficult aspects of the whole journey. Finding more important things to do is as common as the “are we there yet” phenomenon.

Prepare theTantric Temple

The tantric temple is a special place for tantric love making and although it may be in your bedroom, ideally it should be on the floor, rather than the bed. We associate beds with sleep, and this can cause physical reactions such as melatonin being released and causing drowsiness.

It’s a good idea to have comfortable cushions and sensual coverings and as you choose what to use, focus on your intention of creating a comfortable, sacred, loving space.

You may want to make a tantric altar to acknowledge that this space is special. It can be as simple as a beautiful cloth with a vase of flowers on it, or it can be a more elaborate affair with statues of gods and goddesses, beautiful shells and stones, photographs or jewellery.

You may want to light incense to arouse the sense of smell and use soft lighting such as candles, tea lights and fairy lights to create a relaxing atmosphere. In some traditions, lighting incense or burning aromatic herbs is a form of prayer and you may want to make lighting the incense part of the ritual. As you light the candles, you can invite spirit, fire and passion into the temple.

Prepare the Tantric Body

Prepare yourself. You are about to be up close and personal and it’s hard to feel romantic, let alone tantric, if you look or smell uninviting.

There’s more to preparing your tantric body than simple cleanliness. It’s an opportunity to touch, experience and appreciate your body, happily anticipating that something wonderful is about to happen.

You can do all this in a shower, but a bath is far more relaxing and sensuous, particularly if you use candlelight and your favourite fragrances.

If you are with your beloved and have a big enough bath, enjoy the experience of being together in the water. Touch each other, wash each other, be as sensuous as you like, but also be creative and play.

Dressing Up

Just as you turned an ordinary room into a special space for tantric love making, you also need to step out of your ordinary, every day clothes and into a more tantric costume.

It’s a good idea to wear sensual clothes. Anything that’s loose, comfortable, sexy will work - loose fitting, diaphanous material that flows as you move can be particularly effective. The traditional tantric outfit is a piece of cloth, tied round the waist. This is called a lohngi.

You can use sari material or anything that looks and feels good.

Dressing up in tantric gear can be fun for men as well as women - experiment with dramatic jewellery, wear unusual colours, put feathers in your hair, do anything that signals that you are dressed up to do something that is completely out of the ordinary.

Now you are finally ready to begin the tantric ritual!

Greet Each Other

Namaste is the traditional greeting in yoga and many different spiritual practices. It means: “I greet you as an aspect of myself,” or “I salute the divine in you”

Sit kneeling on the floor, but if this is uncomfortable, you can sit cross legged, on chairs, or stand. You should both be in the same position, facing each other, looking at each other in the eyes. Start with your back straight, hands relaxed at your side. Breathe in, and imagine bringing the energy from the earth up to your heart and bring your two hands together, meeting at the heart. As you breathe out, lean forward until your foreheads touch, and keep gazing into each other’s eyes. You’ll find that your eyes will go out of focus and you will see a third eye. When this happens, breathe in again, bring your focus back to your heart, breathe out and relax your hands and arms.

This marks the beginning of the ritual and immediately puts you out of ordinary life and into the extra-ordinary. If you are doing this on your own, the namaste is the same, except that you are leaning forwards and gazing into the eyes of your imaginary, inner lover.

Build up the Energy

Dancing is a wonderful way of building up the energy. Dance to your favourite music and if you feel self conscious, close your eyes. Bodies love to move and dancing to the right music can really get you in the mood. If dancing really isn’t your thing, you can raise energy by doing any form of exercise – even running round the room. Pillow fights or telling each other really funny jokes might also work, but the important thing is to get your bodies and your energy moving.

Now relax into your pleasure. Tantra is a feminine path, so Shakti always takes the lead. It really is ladies first. Shakti, you have to ask for what you want, even if all you really want is to just lie in your lover’s arms or have a story told to you. You might even want to receive or give a massage. It’s up to you.

Whether you are on your own or with a partner, allow yourself to experiment and discover what gives you most pleasure.